I spent six years chasing someone else’s dream. Every morning, dragging myself to a finance job that paid well but left this hollow feeling in my chest. The kind that coffee and weekend plans couldn’t fix.
What’s worse? I thought I was doing exactly what I was supposed to do. College degree, stable career, retirement plan. Check, check, check.
When I finally quit, people asked what I was going to do instead. I had absolutely no idea. Zero plan. Just the certainty that whatever my purpose was, it wasn’t sitting in that office pretending to care about quarterly projections.
This whole “figure out my life purpose” journey isn’t what most people think. It’s messier. Less linear. And definitely not something you discover in a single meditation session or personality test (though we’ve all tried those routes, haven’t we?).
What if Your Purpose Isn’t What You Think It Is?
Most of us make the same mistake. We believe our purpose is some grand, impressive title or achievement. The next Oprah. A bestselling author. Founder of something revolutionary.
But what if your purpose isn’t a specific job title at all?
Sharon and I have talked with hundreds of people who found their purpose, and almost none of them discovered it by asking, “What amazing thing am I meant to do with my life?” That question is too big, too vague, and honestly, too intimidating.
Instead, they backed into their purpose by noticing patterns. The things they did naturally. The problems they solved without even thinking about it. The topics they couldn’t shut up about at dinner parties.
Your purpose is probably already showing up in your life – you’re just calling it something else. “That thing I’m weirdly good at.” “My random hobby.” “What I help my friends with.”
The first mistake most people make is looking for purpose in the wrong places – searching for something grand and new instead of recognizing what’s already there.
Ditch the Journal (Sometimes)
Journaling about your purpose? Great. Talking about finding your purpose? Helpful.
But at some point, you’ve got to stop writing and start doing.
The second major mistake is endless introspection without action. We get stuck in this loop of reading books, taking courses, and filling journals with our thoughts about purpose – without ever testing anything in the real world.
One surprising way to figure out your purpose is to temporarily ban yourself from thinking about it. Seriously.
For two weeks, stop journaling, stop reading purpose books, stop talking about it. Instead, commit to trying three new things each week. Small things count.
– Volunteer somewhere for a day – Take a class in something you’re curious about – Help someone solve a problem – Create something, however imperfect
This isn’t about finding your perfect path immediately. It’s about collecting data points. Real-world feedback tells you more than all the personality tests combined.
One of our community members discovered her purpose while helping her neighbor’s kid with homework. She’d never considered education as her calling – she worked in retail management. But something clicked during those after-school sessions that no amount of journaling had revealed.
Your body knows things your brain hasn’t figured out yet. That feeling of energy, of time disappearing, of being fully engaged – that’s data. Collect enough of these moments, and patterns emerge.
Who Needs You Right Now?
The third mistake? Making your purpose all about you.
When we get stuck in “what’s my purpose?” mode, we’re usually thinking: What would fulfill me? What would make me happy? What would give my life meaning?
Those aren’t bad questions. But they can keep us spinning in circles.
Try this instead: Who needs what I naturally offer? Where could my specific combination of skills, experiences, and perspective help someone else?
This shifts everything. Instead of the endless internal search, you’re looking outward.
Look, your unique purpose sits at the intersection of: 1. What you’re naturally good at (even if you don’t see it as special) 2. What energizes rather than drains you 3. What solves a problem for others
The third surprising way to figure out your life purpose is to ask five people who know you well: “What do you come to me for? What do you think I’m particularly good at?” Their answers will shock you.
We consistently undervalue our natural gifts precisely because they come easily to us. “That’s just normal,” we think. No, it’s not. It’s your clue.
When I asked this question, three different friends mentioned how I help them make decisions when they’re stuck. I never saw this as special – just something I did naturally in conversations. That pattern became a critical piece of my purpose puzzle.
Your Purpose Probably Looks Boring (At First)
Here’s something nobody talks about: your true purpose often sounds ordinary when put into words. It lacks the dramatic flair we’re conditioned to expect.
“I help people organize their thoughts.” “I create spaces where people feel safe.” “I translate complicated ideas into simple steps.”
Not exactly movie trailer material, right? But these simple statements contain incredible power when applied consistently.
The mistake is waiting for purpose to arrive as some magnificent revelation with angels singing. More often, it’s a quiet realization that what you’ve been doing all along – that thing that seems obvious and natural to you – is actually your gift.
And here’s where it gets interesting: once you embrace this seemingly “boring” core purpose, the specific applications become endless and often quite extraordinary. That person who “helps organize thoughts” might express this through writing books, developing software, coaching executives, or designing spaces.
Stop looking for the perfect job title. Start recognizing your natural patterns of contribution.
This Isn’t About Finding Your Forever Purpose
One last thing. Purpose isn’t a one-and-done discovery. It evolves.
What brings you alive at 25 might shift at 40 or 60. The core patterns often remain, but how they express can transform completely.
Instead of trying to figure out your entire life purpose right now, just identify your next purpose season. What’s calling to you in this chapter of your life?
That finance job I mentioned? It wasn’t my purpose, but it taught me skills I use every day now in work that does feel purposeful. Nothing is wasted.
Your purpose isn’t hiding from you. It’s probably something you’re already doing naturally, something that energizes you, something others already come to you for. The question isn’t so much about finding it as recognizing it.
Stop overthinking. Start collecting real-world data through action. Notice what energizes you. Ask what others see in you. And be willing to embrace the simple core of your purpose before trying to make it sound impressive.
Your life purpose doesn’t need to change the world. It just needs to be authentically yours.