I spent all of last summer wondering if I’d completely wasted the last decade of my life. Not an exaggeration. Every morning I’d stare at the ceiling fan in my bedroom, watching it spin in slow circles, and think about how I felt exactly like that fan – going around and around without actually getting anywhere.
It’s a strange feeling when you wake up one day and realize you have no idea what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. When the path ahead looks like a thick fog and the path behind feels like someone else’s journey. Aron and I talk about this a lot – those periods when your sense of purpose just… vanishes.
If you’re feeling lost about your direction in life right now, first know this: you’re not alone. Second, this fog is temporary. And third, finding your purpose isn’t some magical moment where the heavens open and your destiny is revealed. It’s messier than that. More beautiful too.
That Uncomfortable Empty Space
Let’s talk about the emptiness first. That hollow feeling when you don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing with your life. It’s uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable.
Most people try to fill this emptiness immediately. They jump into new relationships, buy things, start random projects, or just stay crazy busy. Anything to avoid sitting with that question: “What am I really here for?”
But here’s something we’ve learned – that empty space is valuable. It’s where real discovery happens. When Napoleon Hill interviewed the most successful people of his time, he found they all went through periods of deep questioning before finding their definite major purpose.
The emptiness is part of the process. Not a sign that something’s wrong.
Try this: Instead of running from the emptiness, sit with it for 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes. No phone. No distractions. Just you and that big question about your purpose. It’ll feel weird at first. That’s okay.
Why are you asking “how do I find my purpose and direction in life” now?
Timing matters. There’s usually a reason you’re questioning your purpose right now, at this specific moment in your life.
Maybe you’ve outgrown something – a job, a relationship, a belief system. Or maybe you’ve achieved goals you thought would make you happy, but they didn’t. Sometimes it’s a birthday that ends in zero that triggers it. Or watching someone close to you face mortality.
Sharon had her big purpose crisis at 37. Not even a milestone birthday! She had just finished a major project she’d been working on for years, and instead of feeling accomplished, she felt… empty. The thing that had given her direction was gone, and nothing was rushing in to fill the space. It took her months to realize this empty space wasn’t a problem – it was an opportunity.
What’s happening in your life right now that might be triggering your search? Understanding this context helps tremendously.
Stop Looking For THE Purpose (Seriously)
One of the biggest blocks to finding your purpose is believing there’s just ONE perfect purpose waiting for you to discover it. That’s like believing there’s only ONE perfect person for you to marry in the whole world.
You don’t have A purpose. You have purposes. Plural. They evolve. They build on each other.
Thomas Edison didn’t start with a purpose to invent the light bulb. He was curious about electricity. That curiosity led him places. His purpose evolved as he grew.
Your purpose for the next 3-5 years might be completely different from your purpose in the following decade. And that’s not just okay – it’s how it’s supposed to work.
The question isn’t “What is my life’s one true purpose?” but rather “What purpose feels right for this chapter of my life?”
Makes finding your direction a lot less intimidating, doesn’t it?
Four Questions Better Than “What’s My Purpose?”
Instead of banging your head against the wall asking that big vague question about your life purpose, try these more specific questions:
1. What problems do you like solving?
Not what you’re good at – what problems do you enjoy working on? Purposes are almost always connected to solving problems that matter to you. I like solving the problem of people feeling stuck and confused about their potential. That’s become central to my purpose.
2. When do you lose track of time?
Flow states – those moments when you’re so absorbed in something that hours pass like minutes – are huge clues. What activities put you in this state? For me, it’s deep conversations and writing. For Aron, it’s designing systems and teaching complex ideas in simple ways.
3. What makes you angry or frustrated about the world?
Your emotional triggers are signposts. The things that make you think “Someone should fix this!” are often pointing toward your purpose. Your frustrations reveal what you care about.
4. If money and expectations weren’t factors, what would you spend your time doing?
This classic question still works. Not because you should necessarily do that thing as a job, but because your answer reveals what you intrinsically value.
Take out a notebook. Answer these questions. Don’t overthink them. The patterns in your answers will start showing you directions worth exploring.
Your Purpose Probably Isn’t Hiding Where You’re Looking
We tend to look for purpose in big dramatic places. In grand gestures and world-changing ideas. But most meaningful purposes start small and personal.
A woman I know spent years trying to find her “big purpose.” She tried different careers, moved cities, read dozens of self-help books. Nothing clicked. Then one day, she was teaching her niece how to bake cookies – something she did just for fun – and realized she’d never felt more in her element than when teaching kids to create things with their hands.
That simple realization eventually led her to develop arts programs for schools that had cut their creative funding. Now she impacts hundreds of kids yearly. Her purpose wasn’t hidden in some exotic place – it was in her kitchen on a Sunday afternoon.
Look at the simple things you do that feel right. The small ways you already help people without even thinking about it. Your purpose is probably hiding in plain sight.
Actually Try Things (No, Really)
This might sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people try to think their way to a purpose instead of experimenting their way there.
Purpose isn’t something you figure out in your head. It’s something you discover by doing.
Make a list of 5 directions that interest you – even slightly. Then commit to spending just 3-5 hours exploring each one over the next month. That’s it. Not quitting your job or making big announcements. Just curious exploration.
Maybe it’s taking a free online course, interviewing someone in that field, volunteering for a weekend, or reading a book and actually doing the exercises.
Your body and emotions will tell you more about your purpose through these small experiences than years of thinking ever could.
One of our community members discovered her purpose in hospital administration after volunteering at a health clinic for just two Saturdays. Something clicked that she never would have discovered otherwise.
Finding Direction Is a Practice, Not an Event
Last thought. Finding your purpose and direction isn’t something you do once and check off your list. It’s an ongoing practice.
Even when you find something that feels right, you’ll still have days of doubt. You’ll still wonder sometimes. That’s not failure – it’s being human.
The question “how do I find my purpose and direction in life” isn’t one you answer definitively. It’s one you keep asking as you grow.
Your purpose today gives way to your purpose tomorrow. Each chapter builds on the last one if you’re paying attention.
Start small. Notice what energizes you and what drains you. Follow the energy. Trust that your next step will reveal itself not through perfect clarity, but through taking action with what partial clarity you have now.
And remember – sometimes the fog lifts not because you found the perfect answer, but because you started walking anyway.
What small step will you take this week to explore one possible direction? That step – not some grand revelation – is how real purposes are born.