I absolutely bombed my first public speaking engagement. Like, crashed and burned spectacularly. My notes went flying, I forgot whole sections, and I’m pretty sure I saw someone in the third row actually fall asleep. It was the kind of failure that keeps you up at 3 AM, replaying every excruciating moment.
That was four years ago. Since then, I’ve spoken at dozens of events, and while I’m no Tony Robbins, I’ve figured out how to bounce back from failure in a way that actually moves me forward instead of keeping me stuck.
We all face failures – some small, some absolutely crushing. But what separates those who stay down from those who rise again isn’t luck or talent. It’s a specific approach to handling those moments when everything falls apart.
The journey back from failure isn’t just about positive thinking (though that helps). It’s about having a practical formula for turning what feels like your worst moment into the foundation for your comeback story.
The 24-Hour Grief Period
Let’s start with something most success gurus won’t tell you: it’s okay to feel terrible when you fail. In fact, it’s necessary.
When we fail at something important, our first instinct is often to either pretend it doesn’t bother us or to immediately start “fixing” it. Both approaches backfire. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear – they just go underground and sabotage our next attempts.
Instead, we recommend a structured 24-hour grief period. This is exactly what it sounds like – you give yourself permission to feel awful for one day. Complain. Vent to a friend. Watch sad movies while eating ice cream directly from the container. Whatever helps you process those emotions.
The key is the time limit. Mark it on your calendar if you have to. “Tuesday: Feel terrible about failed project. Wednesday: Start comeback.”
Without this emotional release, you’ll carry that negative energy into your next attempt. With it, you create space for new possibilities.
I remember after my speaking disaster, I spent exactly one day watching terrible reality TV and texting my sister about how I was never leaving my apartment again. The next morning, I woke up and thought, “Okay, that’s done.”
What Actually Went Wrong? (Hint: It’s Probably Not What You Think)
The biggest mistake people make when trying to bounce back from failure is misidentifying what actually went wrong.
Our brains are storytelling machines. When something bad happens, we immediately create a narrative around it. “I failed because I’m not smart enough” or “This didn’t work because the universe is against me.”
These stories feel true but are rarely accurate. They’re just our mind’s attempt to make sense of disappointment.
Instead, treat your failure like a scientist would – as data. Get really specific about what actually happened versus your interpretation of what happened.
For my speaking disaster, my first thought was “I’m a terrible speaker and should never do this again.” But when I looked closer, the actual problems were: – I hadn’t practiced with the room’s specific setup – My notes were formatted poorly (hence why they scattered) – I’d written a script instead of talking points (which is why I kept losing my place)
None of these were permanent character flaws – just fixable technical issues.
Write down your specific failure points. Be brutal but precise. This isn’t about beating yourself up – it’s about identifying exactly what needs fixing.
The 10% Better Approach
Look, trying to go from total failure to amazing success in one giant leap is setting yourself up for disappointment. Our brains don’t work that way.
Instead, focus on getting 10% better. That’s it. Just 10% improvement on your next attempt.
This approach works because it’s both ambitious enough to matter and modest enough to be achievable. When we set the bar at “complete transformation,” we often end up doing nothing because the gap feels too wide.
After my speaking disaster, I didn’t aim to become a world-class orator overnight. I just focused on fixing those three specific problems I identified. My next talk wasn’t amazing, but it was definitely more than 10% better. And that was enough to keep going.
The math works in your favor too. If you get 10% better each time after a failure, by the tenth attempt, you’re more than doubled your effectiveness from where you started.
Who’s Been Here Before? Find Your Failure Mentors
Something weird happens when we fail – we suddenly feel like the only person on Earth who’s ever experienced this particular flavor of disappointment. This isolation makes the failure feel more personal and permanent than it actually is.
The antidote? Find people who’ve failed exactly like you have – and then succeeded anyway.
I’m not talking about vague inspirational stories. I mean people who have specifically overcome the exact type of setback you’re facing. Their journeys provide both practical blueprints and psychological comfort.
After my public speaking mess, I went down a YouTube rabbit hole watching videos of famous speeches that went wrong – and how those speakers recovered. I read articles by professional speakers about their worst moments. I even joined a speakers’ group where members regularly shared their horror stories.
Knowing others had been where I was – and moved past it – made my failure feel less like a permanent identity and more like a normal part of the growth process.
So ask yourself: Who in your field has failed spectacularly at what you’re trying to do? How did they recover? What specific steps did they take? Their comeback formula might work for you too.
The Success Record (It’s Not What You Think)
When we’re trying to bounce back from failure, our brains play a nasty trick on us. They erase all memory of our past successes and focus exclusively on our current disaster. Suddenly, we’re convinced we’ve never done anything right in our entire lives.
To counter this, we need what I call a Success Record – but it’s probably different from what you’re imagining.
A Success Record isn’t just a list of your achievements. It’s a detailed account of times you’ve previously overcome setbacks. The emphasis isn’t on the wins themselves but on your demonstrated ability to recover.
Mine looks something like this:
– Failed first calculus test in college → Formed study group → Ended with B+ in course – Got rejected for dream job → Applied to 20 more places → Found better position – Disaster first speech → Studied problem areas → Now regularly speak at events
The pattern matters more than the content. Your Success Record is proof that you have a history of bouncing back – which means you can do it again.
Keep this record somewhere accessible. Review it when doubt creeps in. Add to it after each recovery. Over time, it becomes undeniable evidence that failure is temporary for you.
Your Next Step (Just One)
There’s no need for grand conclusions here. Bouncing back from failure isn’t complicated – it just requires a formula that balances emotional honesty with practical action.
The hardest part is often just taking that first step after a setback. So make it tiny. Laughably small, even.
After you’ve had your grief period, identified what actually went wrong, decided on your 10% improvement goal, found your failure mentors, and reviewed your success record, choose ONE thing to do tomorrow. Not ten things. Not a five-year plan. Just one concrete action that moves you forward.
For me, after my speaking disaster, it was signing up for another (much smaller) speaking opportunity before I could talk myself out of it.
What’s your one next step?
Failure isn’t final unless you decide it is. And with this formula, you’ve got everything you need to write the next chapter of your comeback story.